Serving Arizona State University Online Since 1995  Current Issue: Thursday, September 28, 2006





You asked for it: Procrastinate now

Laziness is students' No. 1 sin

 by Lisa Przystup
 published on Thursday, September 28, 2006


By Lisa Przystup

Dear Lisa,

I'm supposed to be working on a project right now, but I'm not. I'm writing to you. I think that in some circles what I have might be called "writer's block" or maybe "adult ADD," but I think it's something less profound. It might be laziness. Anyhoo, I'm looking for some motivation/inspiration/stuff that ends in "-tion." What do you do when you're uninspired?


Willing to Try Anything

Dear Willing to Try Anything,

I'm supposed to be writing this advice column right now, but I'm not. I'm surfing the Neiman Marcus Web site looking for a Marc Jacobs jacket for the non-existent fall season in Arizona.

Now, I'm going to go ahead and guess that we both suffer from writer's block (aka adult ADD, aka. laziness). All three are profound, but perhaps the most profound is laziness. I mean, sloth is one of the seven deadly sins. You really don't get much more profound than that.

If you are suffering from one of the seven deadly sins, I must seriously advise you to start praying for your salvation now. There is a church on campus; get thee to it and start focusing on the most important project of all: saving your soul from the devil himself. It's never too late to get stared in this important endeavor.

Halloween is coming up pretty soon, and the dark lord and all of his minions will be more active then ever. What better time to bolster your holy constructs?

If that doesn't work, try and go for the all-American solution to problems: over medication. (There's your "-tion.")

I'm not a certified doctor, but I do watch quite a bit of Dr. Phil. This makes me just certified enough to diagnose you with Attention Deficit Disorder and possibly Bipolar Manic Depression. Who knows what other tragic mental problems you may suffer from?

Just bring this letter in to your local pharmacy and they'll fill the appropriate prescriptions.

Take them. Take them all.

I have one final thought to leave you with.

Woody Allen once said, "Eighty percent of success is showing up."

You've already made it to your desk and found the time to ponder the profundity of your procrastination.

You've even gone the extra mile by writing me a letter.

So eighty percent of your work is done.


Pat yourself on the back and go back to doing nothing.


Don't be too lazy to write Lisa with your questions. E-mail her at As always, we promise to keep your identity a secret.

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