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Ask Lisa: One is the loneliest number

A lesson in communicating with your 'friends'

 by Lisa Przystup
 published on Thursday, September 21, 2006


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By Lisa Przystup



Dear Lisa,

I have a friend, I suppose, who I want to stay friends with. However, she hasn't been returning calls, Facebook.com messages, texts or e-mails for the past few weeks. She has said before that she wants to still be friends, but should I take this lack of a reply as a sign that things are over, or should I give her the benefit of the doubt?

-- Why Can't We Be Friends



Dear Why Can't We Be Friends,

Oh jeez.

Okay, here's the thing: if a girl does not respond to any one of the various methods of communication you have employed, it's a pretty good sign that (contrary to what she has said) she does not want to be friends with you.

No one is that busy. No one.

She's obviously trying to tell you in a nonverbal, passive-aggressive sort of way that she is not available for a "friendship" or anything else. Stop calling her and stop writing her, or soon she may be forced to lie to you in an awkward conversation over the phone or even worse, in person.

"I mean, it's not you, it's me, y'know?" (Lie.)

"You're a really great guy, but I am just soooo busy." (Lie.)

"Maybe we can hang out over Christmas break." (Lie. It's never gonna happen.)

The problem is, it sounds like you've really knocked yourself out for this girl in pursuit of a "friendship." (It is more than just that, isn't it?) Short of skywriting, you've exhausted all communication options. Being friends with someone shouldn't be this difficult.

For anyone else who may be experiencing a similar problem, here are two general rules to follow:

If you think he/she might not be interested in you: If a girl/guy doesn't return your calls, e-mails, text messages, MySpace.com/Facebook.com messages, written notes, mailed letters, personal ads, invitations, etc., HE OR SHE IS NOT INTERESTED!

If you're not interested in him/her: If you're not interested in someone who likes you, grow up and just tell that person. Don't give him your number, don't tell him that you're busy and don't feel bad about setting him straight.

These rules will save both parties a lot of time and energy screening their calls or getting a restraining order.

But really, Why Can't We Be Friends, why would you want to be friends with someone like this anyway? Stop wasting your time on a girl who ignores you and look for one who adores you, instead.



-- Lisa



Ask Lisa for advice on any topic under the sun. Just e-mail her at lisa.przystup@asu.edu. And don't be afraid to ask anything - we'll always keep your identity under wraps.



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