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Top 5: Valentine's Day Detox Movies

 by Stephanie Berger  published on Thursday, February 16, 2006


1. Fatal Attraction: We've seen enough weepy-eyed movies about romantic affairs. This one has Glen Close with 80s hair. If that's not enough, the dead bunny alone will make you glad if you didn't shell out the big bucks on some crazy significant other for Valentine's Day.

2. Kill Bill: This movie is about revenge, very bloody revenge. Watch it and be glad that none of your failed relationships have involved swords.

3. Monster's Ball: Despite Halle Berry's extreme attractiveness, nothing is more disgusting than a sex scene that involves Billy Bob Thorton. It's better to not get any at all than to sleep with the man whose "Sling Blade" character wasn't too far of a stretch.

4. Swimfan: "Fatal Attraction" for fans of MTV. See, you always wanted to be that famous, sexy jock in high school who everyone loved...but then you would have had to deal with the psycho clipping out all the pictures of you in the paper for her love shrine. Who wants to celebrate Valentine's Day with "Be Mine" written on their blood?

5. The Terminator: So your holiday was bad. Unimaginably, terribly bad. Sit back with The Governator and watch him blow things up. If the gratuitous violence doesn't cheer you up, the corny dialogue surely will.

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