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It's All Relative: No Sane person is a vegetarian

 by Lucia Bill  published on Thursday, February 16, 2006

Lucia Bill/issues/arts/695786
Lucia Bill
 

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Sex is like meat. Some like it rare, some like it medium-rare and some like it well done.

I know what you're thinking. "Rare? Not at this school." Or, "Well done? That's the only way I do it."

But think about it. You probably know exactly how you like your meat. And the waiters at Applebee's on a Sunday afternoon love you for it.

Unfortunately, many people apply the same way of thinking when it comes to sex. If it ain't broke, why fix it, right?

Wrong.

This isn't Cosmo, so I won't be giving you any "recipes." I would, however, like to propose a variation to your diet.

There is a good reason why you can customize your order wherever you go these days. It's because people like variety. And unless you're eating by yourself, you are going to have to take into consideration what your date would like. And I don't mean the side-dish dilemma of foreplay versus no foreplay. I mean the main course.

Not to spoil your appetite any further, let me step aside from the analogy. According to Pete Padilla, ASU professor and sociologist, there are two types of sexual variety.

"Some people like variety of partners and some like a variety of positions and experiences with the same partner. In both cases it is very rare that what, and how, partner A likes to do it matches exactly with what partner B likes."

Or as one of my friends -- a conservative woman in her 50s -- once said, "Sometimes you want to make love, sometimes you want to have sex, and sometimes you want to f--."

This advice is equally true for both men and women. The misconception is that most women would rather have gentle, romantic sex. Just because your girlfriend, fiancee or wife doesn't own a g-string in every variation of animal print and didn't jump your bones on the first date is not an indication that she likes mild, slow sex. In fact, a lot of women who maintain a "good girl" image in public may be more than eager to break all the rules while in the bedroom.

Men, on the other hand, are thought to be fond of the no-appetizer approach to sex. This may hold especially true for the college demographic well known for its allegiance to "fast food." But unlike what a good majority of media outlets would have us believe, that can't be what they all want, all of the time. They may think that it's great for a while, but just look at what happened to the guy in "Supersize Me."

These, of course, are myths about human sexuality.

I know that there are a fair amount of you who after reading this, will have an unstoppable impulse to let me know that in fact, your girlfriend loooooves servicing your appetite or that your boyfriend is not like that at all.

If that is true, bon appetite. But it is possible that the other person is afraid to communicate their true desires, fearing that they may lose a partner if they don't cater to their needs every time, or that they will lose respect if they disclose their "unusual" tastes.

"Saturation is harmful to a relationship," Padilla said. "If you keep on doing the same thing over and over again, and both partners don't truly enjoy it, it increases the chances of cheating. By not communicating you are doing a disservice to both you and your partner."

If you are not comfortable enough to place an order, you shouldn't be having sex. For a successful sexual relationship, you have to act like a good waiter. Ask, suggest and, if necessary, bring a menu. You may get a lot more than "Kiss the Cook" in response.

Reach the reporter at lucia.bill@asu.edu.



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