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New college named after Playboy great Hefner

College of Pornatomy part of Crow's 5-year plan

 published on Thursday, December 8, 2005


In case you haven't figured this out, Stale Mess is just a bunch of made up stories. It's as fake as your "Kate Spade" purse that's "hecho en Mexico." As fake as the breasts on the Playboy playmates, our USG president wants to ban. It's possibly even faker. It's content is not to be taken seriously. Stale Mess is fake, fake, fake. Any resemblance to actual people (unless, of course, those actual people are public figures, in which case their quotes are still fake) is purely accidental. Enjoy. And remember: it's fake.

ASU President Michael Crow has teamed up with Hugh Hefner to bring a new college to the Tempe campus and it is expected to push ASU to the forefront of modern education.

The Hugh Hefner College of International Pornatomy will not only attract a new demographic to downtown Tempe, but it is also another step toward becoming a New American University, Crow said.

"The new college will encompass all of ASU's visions for the future," Crow said. "Plus, you know, Hef is just a down-ass cat."

Discussion about the college started in August after Hefner pitched the idea to Crow during a private presentation, which lasted 37 hours and included 26 Playboy bunnies.

"Hef approached us with the idea. He wanted to get in on this shit, I said, 'Who wouldn't? This place is tight,'" Crow said. "So Hef invited me to the Mansion, we threw back a few glasses of Cristal, next thing you know, Hef was tryin' to donate like 900 G's so I just said what the hell.

"That dude really knows how to live," Crow said of the 79-year-old Hefner.

Hefner will donate $900,000 each semester, as well as a new building and "full-ride" scholarships to all students in the college.

When asked what the "full-ride" scholarships would include Crow laughed hysterically and couldn't answer the question.

Crow said he jumped on the deal with Hefner quickly because he didn't want to risk losing the school's reputation as the No. 1 party school.

"That's just how I roll. I see an opportunity and I seize it, besides I didn't want to look like a bitch," Crow said. "Next spring it will be on and poppin'."

Protestors, including Undergraduate Student Government President Yaser Alamoodi, gathered near Crow's office to appeal the new college.

"Fools are always jockin' my style," Crow said in response to protestors.

Crow said the new college is where the future is headed.

"Everybody knows students come here to get they freak on, so I thought this new school would really put those talents to good use, plus ASU has traditionally been known for attractin' the ladies," Crow said as he took a sip from his glass of Tanqueray.

ASU officials have been trying to shed the reputation of being a party school, but Crow said it's time to just accept it.

"I just figured why try to fight it, instead we'll just embrace the inevitable," he said.

Crow said the college may eventually move to the Downtown Phoenix campus.

"We're trying to decide if we should move it to So Pho. Hef thinks it would really thrive, but I think Tempe's got all the hunnies, and now the Playboy bunnies," Crow said, obviously amused by his own play on words.

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