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Crow flattens 'A' Mountain

University plans 'snazzy' new dorm

 published on Thursday, December 8, 2005


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In case you haven't figured this out, Stale Mess is just a bunch of made up stories. It's as fake as your "Kate Spade" purse that's "hecho en Mexico." As fake as the breasts on the Playboy playmates, our USG president wants to ban. It's possibly even faker. It's content is not to be taken seriously. Stale Mess is fake, fake, fake. Any resemblance to actual people (unless, of course, those actual people are public figures, in which case their quotes are still fake) is purely accidental. Enjoy. And remember: it's fake.

In an effort to increase on-campus housing, ASU President Michael Crow approved his proposal to demolish "A" mountain to make room for a new residence hall.

"We ran out of spaces for the new hall since we turned most of our old parking lots into buildings already," Crow said. "Wouldn't you rather have a snazzy new residence hall instead of that dusty, old mountain?"

In Crow's 300-page report, he said his biggest reason for the removal of the mountain was to reduce the University's recent stigma of a party school. Crow said removing the mountain would reduce the number of possible places to hold a party.

"We have evidence that there were several parties on the mountain," he said. "If there is no more mountain, then students won't have any other choice than to study in their dorm rooms."

During the groundbreaking ceremony on "A" mountain, Crow addressed students and faculty, explaining his decision.

Dressed in a gray suit, Crow grasped the handle of a sledgehammer and lifted it into the air.

"Here is to a new beginning for our University," Crow said.

He swung the sledgehammer and shattered the "A" in half. Those watching stood silently in horror as the "A" transformed into a pile of yellow paint chips.

Crow said once demolition crews finish removing the "A," the pieces will be auctioned off on eBay. The pieces will be cut into miniature "As" and made into necklaces. Bids start at $300 and Crow said he encourages students to join in the bidding.

"Since students only have to pay for tuition, mandatory meal plans, books and parking passes, they should be able to afford these great mementos," he said. "Besides think of the necklaces as an investment for your future."



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