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Sexual Discourse: Spicing it up

Students say sex can become routine in long-term relationships

 by Erika Wurst  published on Thursday, March 24, 2005

Wildlife habitat management junior Chelsea Richards says sex always gets boring and that one can only like someone so much for so long.  
/issues/arts/692518
Brandon Quester / STATE PRESS MAGAZINE
Wildlife habitat management junior Chelsea Richards says sex always gets boring and that one can only like someone so much for so long.
 
Chris Keohane says sex is great but isn't everything.  He also says it is very important to talk about sex with your partner.  
/issues/arts/692518
Brandon Quester / STATE PRESS MAGAZINE
Chris Keohane says sex is great but isn't everything. He also says it is very important to talk about sex with your partner.
 

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If you do anything -- even if it's something you love -- for too long, it inevitably gets boring. Sadly, sex is no exception. This week, we're looking at the repercussions of long-term relationships on the sex lives of college students.

Unless you've pledged abstinence until marriage, your long-term relationship probably looked like this at one point or another: You meet, you fall in love, and you can't keep your hands off each other. Suddenly, you're a year deep and seven hours of sleep sounds a lot better than late-night nookie. Don't worry, you're not the only one who feels this way.

Over time, couples get bored with one another, and feel like there is little left to experience in bed, often leading to the downfall of relationships. But keeping an open mind and focusing on each other's fantasies and desires, ones that often go unspoken, can make the same-old sex seem new again.

This week, we check in with students to see how monogamy affected their sexuality and what they did about it.

Who: Wildlife habitat management junior Chelsea Richards

Where: Smoking a cigarette outside the MU

SPM: So how long was your long-term relationship?

Richards: Two years.

SPM: And how long did you wait to have sex?

Richards: Like, two minutes. He was pretty.

SPM: Must have been. So how frequently did you have sex in the beginning of your relationship?

Richards: At least once a day. We were new and I liked him. Things were nice then.

SPM: When was it that you started noticing a difference in your bedroom habits?

Richards: Like a year and a half into it. It was really drastic. We were both really busy and we were just trying to fit into each other's schedules. By the time I got home from work, I didn't want to have sex. That was it. He would flip out.

SPM: What became your most common excuse to avoid sex?

Richards: I'd say I was tired. Or I don't feel good. Or I've got to get up in the morning. I'd find excuses not to drive to his house, like it's too far away.

SPM: And did this eventually cause problems in your relationship?

Richards: He hated me. It was good, though, because he started buying me jewelry. He begged me to go off the pill because he thought it was making me not want to have sex constantly. He fought, I just nodded.

SPM: Did he ever do anything to spice things up in the bedroom? Make things more interesting?

Richards: He tried to buy me a garter belt once. I never wore it. I told him I ripped the thigh highs.

SPM: So, in your opinion, what do you think causes a decline in the sex lives of long-term couples?

Richards: You get to a point where you have other things to do that become more important. Having sex isn't as important as going to work in the morning, or going to class ... or eating dinner.

SPM: And do you think that will ever change?

Richards: Nope. It's always going to get boring. You can only like someone so much for so long; then you need a complete change.

Who: Journalism and mass communication undergraduate Chris Keohane

Found: Reading on a bench

SPM: How long was your long-term relationship?

Keohane: About three years.

SPM: And how far into it were you before you had sex?

Keohane: I'd say about two months. We didn't want to jump the gun.

SPM: Once the gun was jumped, how frequent was the sex?

Keohane: In the beginning, it was mostly on the weekends and then progressed to an almost daily thing throughout the years.

SPM: And did you notice a decline in your sex life as the relationship progressed?

Keohane: There was a point halfway through where it kind of seemed like we were just doing it to do it. We talked about where our relationship was going and the sex aspect. We didn't know if we were growing apart. We stopped having sex for two weeks and just went out as friends. Then we fell in love all over again, and after that, it was great and sex continued to be a daily event.

SPM: If you weren't in the mood, what was your most frequent excuse to avoid sex?

Keohane: I'd say, "I'm tired" or "I just don't feel up for it." She would take it personally, but really, I just wasn't in the mood.

SPM: Did you ever try and spice things up in the bedroom to keep it interesting?

Keohane: All the time. We always used to do stuff just out of the blue. One time I got roses and cooked dinner and plucked the petals, dimmed the lights -- that whole bit. It was right out of a novel. It sounds cheesy, but I try to spice it up, kick it into high gear. Not so much kinky stuff, but whatever.

SPM: What do you think causes a decline in the sex lives of long-term couples?

Keohane: It's two things. First, you get used to the person and to the ability to have sex all the time. It gets played out. Second is temptation. On a campus with beautiful girls everywhere, people neglect to realize what they have [at home]. They think that maybe that girl can offer me something different, but they don't realize what they already have until they lose it. If you've already got it, good -- stay with it. I think that's what's missing.

Reach the reporter at erika.wurst@asu.edu



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