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OPINIONS
Educational system makes it easier for schools to fail
A bill that would elongate the time schools could be "underperforming" but not considered "failing" was passed unanimously Monday by the Arizona Senate. This move will only serve to prolong the real issues.

Only time will kill the mp3
I am here not to encourage people to disregard the examples set by the lawsuits, nor to cheer for the RIAA for cutting their losses short by taking a few dimes back, but to see how feasible stopping digital piracy is.

Leave Iraq or stay, United States loses either way
As often happens with U.S. foreign policy, we are in a no-win situation. Give Iraqis the autonomy that they desire and we will see a new dictator within a year. Stay in the region and we are evil American imperialists.

Boos and Bravos: Boo to camping out for parking
BOO to camping out for parking spaces. Getting a decent parking spot at ASU shouldn't be like waiting to see the Stones in concert. We've got an easy solution: Build us some parking garages and give us 5,000 spaces.

Letters to the Editor: Pity the fools walking to Lot 59
The letters in response to recent news and columns, including a letter from Dan Tadano, who was quoted in an article about people lining up for parking decals. Tadano says he is glad that he got to be first in line.

Mall Rants: Cheating
ASU students rant about the new cheating policy.

WEB EXTRA
Popular professor gives last lecture, takes home award
"Boys are pilots. Girls are stewardesses," said ASU history professor Chris Smith to a large crowd of responsive chuckles in the very last lecture he would ever give. At least his last one in theory.

Video Game Review: 'MVP Baseball 2003' hits a home run
EA Sports effectively skipped its spot in the rotation of baseball video games in 2002 by churning out a mediocre edition of its long-running Triple Play series. But while 3DO's High Heat Baseball and Acclaim's All Star Baseball series were pinch-hitting for EA's spot in the order, MVP Baseball 2003 - graphically, the best baseball game to date - was lurking in the on-deck circle.



Clichés aside, the newly-released MVP is a sharp, engaging and awe-inspiring creation surely to make the wish list of any sports video game junkie, and EA once again the king of the genre.

Jenna and Heidi's incessant whining detracts from 'Survivor'
The incessant complaining of Jenna and Heidi is really ticking me off. Don't they know that this game is about betraying people? The first winner of this show, Richard Hatch, was a complete jerk to the others.

Internet café opens near Mill
Black-lit murals and contemporary art collide with coffee and computer monitors inside one of Tempe's newest entertainment destinations.



At ejoy café, gamers can use the computers' Local Area Network (LAN) and T-1 high-speed Internet connections to connect with other players around the country.

'Simpsons' visit dude ranch in forgettable episode
Sunday's episode was funny, especially when the audience sees Maggie dance to Britney Spears' song "Oops, I Did It Again." Also notable was the guest appearance by Byrne, who lampooned himself rather nicely.

Book Review: 'Everybody Loves Ramen' pricey, helpful
For those looking for that perfect high school graduation or college gift, the book Everybody Loves Ramen by Eric Hines is perfect.



It features easy-to-follow recipes centering on Top Ramen noodles. However, some sound absolutely disgusting, like Chili Fish Ramen...ick.

CD Review: Systematic's "Pleasure to Burn" a copycat
While tribute bands are a way of life in the elevator music world, when a band devotes their entire album to cheap rip-offs, it is never good. That is what Systematic has done with, "Pleasure to Burnstolen," their new CD featuring stolen Metallica riffs and poorly written lyrics.

Pagans endure stereotypes, try to educate ignorant
Members of the Pagans and Associates Network are accustomed to getting strange looks when they meet every other week at Borders Bookstore in Tempe. And why wouldn't they?



One of them has green hair, most wear all black and their typical conversations center around spells, Wicca, and Beltaine.

Bare breasts get old but 'The Real Cancun' stays fresh
I can honestly say that I enjoyed this rowdy romp called "The Real Cancun." Although I likely lost a few points off my intelligence quotient (read: IQ) without the use of any sort of controlled substance during the film, I doubt that I have enjoyed a film this much, or laughed so hard, in a long time.

SPORTS
Track and Field: Devils take on Lumberjacks, Wildcats
Before the athletes on the ASU track team can begin to prepare for the Pac-10 and NCAA championships, they'll have to take care of NAU and UA in the annual Double Dual and determine Arizona bragging rights.

Softball tries to dig out of hole
Slumps are a part of softball, but the Sun Devils never bargained for the hole they've dug themselves the past few weeks. No. 16 ASU has lost ten of its last 12 games, and the team's task won't get any easier.

Devil Dish: U.S. will inevitably be world's best soccer fans
David Beckham's transfer to the States will hasten Americans' realization that rooting for your country is a whole lot more fun than rooting for a nearby city, and soccer is the only sport where that is possible.

Tennis: Sun Devil stars headed for professional ranks
Two of ASU's soon-to-be graduates will walk away with both a diploma and a tennis racket. For seniors Pim Van Mele and Adria Engel, choosing a career they were passionate about started when they were young.

CAMPUS NEWS
Police Beat: Man forces way into apartment, points gun
The incidents reported by ASU and Tempe police, including a Phoenix man arrested on the charge of aggravated assault. The man allegedly forced his way into an apartment and pointed a gun at two men.

ASU West student dies in wreck
An ASU West student died in a car crash in west Phoenix on Tuesday morning while on her way to work.



Sarah Yant, a business education junior, reportedly was driving on Camelback Road when she veered onto the dirt shoulder and then overcorrected, colliding with a car going in the opposite direction.




Second trip axed due to SARS
SARS, or Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, is partly to blame for the cancellation of two study abroad trips to China this summer.



A planning and landscape architecture trip to China was canceled last week because of the SARS outbreak and lack of enrollment. Last month, the W.P. Carey MBA program also canceled a trip.

Professor becomes editor of American Indian journal
James Riding In, an ASU associate professor of American Indian studies and justice studies, recently became the editor of a scholarly journal that moved to ASU. Riding In will oversee the Wicazo Sa Review.

Backhaus gets 4 months
Backhaus gets 4 monthsRalph Andrew Backhaus, 52, a former plant biology professor, was sentenced to 120 days in jail for his role in a $1 million Ecstasy ring.



Backhaus will spend the next four months in Estrella Jail in Phoenix and will be placed on five years probation following his release. He also was forced to pay $30,000 and give his 2000 Hyundai motorcycle to the Arizona Anti-Racketeering Fund.




May Day incites anti-capitalist demonstration on Mill Avenue
A crowd of about 150 demonstrators Thursday night on Mill Avenue opted to recognize the day's second holiday, the Communist workers' day.



"Because of your shopping, bombs are dropping," shouted demonstration leader Elizabeth Venable through a bullhorn to patrons shopping inside the Abercrombie & Fitch clothing store.

BEYOND TEMPE
Bush: "Battle of Iraq" victorious, war on terror to go on
Positioning himself against the backdrop of American's military might, President Bush on Thursday declared the United States had prevailed in the war on Iraq but cautioned that dangerous work in the global war on terror lies ahead.

Dixie Chicks draw protesters in 1st U.S. concert since flap
eturning to their namesake homeland Thursday, the Dixie Chicks found that some wounds are soon forgotten. Or at least forgiven.



In their first U.S. concert appearance since a slap at President Bush on the eve of war, Natalie Maines and company were greeted with thunderous applause at a sold-out Bi-Lo Center in the patriotic heart of the South.

Suns finally set in Game 6
Call the Suns' sometimes dramatic, almost always entertaining, season finished. The San Antonio Spurs, taking advantage of the Suns' tenacious defense on Duncan, hit four 3-pointers in the span of 94 seconds in the final quarter to come from behind and down the Suns, 87-85, on Thursday at America West Arena.

ENTERTAINMENT
German drama class under 'surveillance' this weekend
This weekend audiences will have Shana Bell's German Drama Workshop class under "surveillance." "Überwachung," which translates to "surveillance," is the story of operators who control prisoners' memories.

Girls on film
Liana Mcwhorter is a daughter, a girlfriend, an artist, a student, and ultimately a human being. However, Mcwhorter regrettably says there is one significant facet of her identity that sometimes overrides all others - Mcwhorter is a lesbian.



By creating black and white photographs based on female sexuality, like women locked in holy matrimony Mcwhorter says in her current art she attempts to share slices of her lifestyle with the an audience that in many cases, is still scared of diversity. "I'm pulling things out of myself instead of the world around me," she says. Mcwhorter's socially charged photography will be displayed at Starbucks, which has raised a few eyebrows and conflict for Mcwhorter, until mid-May.

CD Review: Thicke's 'A Beautiful World'
With an unsettling Yanni-meets-AJ-Mclean-from-the-Backstreet-Boys look and wannabe hits like "Make a Baby" and "The Stupid Things," this guy is going nowhere and fast. It puzzles me to think who would have signed him in the first place. More than likely it was someone under the influence of a mentally debilitating stimulant.

CD Review: Darryl Worley's 'Have You Forgotten?'
After listening to Darryl Worley's country album Have You Forgotten?, two things immediately popped into my mind. Either this album was funded by the Bush administration making it a product of their pro-war propaganda campaign, or Darryl Worley is just another money-hungry capitalist whore exploiting a terrible scenario [in this case war] to make a buck.

Professional grade
Steve Thomas can tell you anything you want to know about the recording industry. For eight years, he has owned, operated, and expanded the music venue inside Undici Undici, a club/coffee shop in Mesa that books national and local acts, but is renowned for its open mike night.



In conjunction with his own video production company, Outside the Box, Thomas also provides a video recording service for Undici Undici's amateur and professional patrons.

Musical cure
Most of us don't need a reason to drink good beer and listen to great music, but Rich Crescenti is giving us the chance to do both for a good cause.



Crescenti, a supporter of local music and breast cancer research is putting on Music For A Cure, May 10 at Bandersnatch Brew Pub in Tempe, which includes a silent auction, donations, prizes, more than 15 local bands and of course, beer.

X-tremely lame: 'X2' review
It's a little amazing how many comic book-based movies Hollywood keeps churning out, considering how many of them suck.



But everybody knows that quality doesn't get movies made in Tinseltown - box office trends do. As long as audiences keep shelling out for these pictures, studios will continue to make them. Even if they are as lame as X2, the sequel to the 2000 hit, The X-Men.

Cup o' Joe: Telling the human experience
Many may disagree, but it is my strong belief that stories of real people make for the strongest works of journalism.



What are real people as opposed to unreal people?



They are among us; they are not isolated or sheltered by public relations executives and gatekeepers. Real people live lives devoid of Hollywood endings and trivial concerns over botox appointments, nor do they choose activism as simply a hobby.

Tools of the trade
Ladies, it is a sad, sad day for gender equality. It looks like the fellas may finally have us beat [off] at something. When is the last time you manipulated your genitalia into the Lock Ness Monster, a windsurfer, or a hamburger? A taco, maybe, or a bearded clam, but how entertaining is that? Puppetry of the Penis is putting us all to shame.



Simon Morley, who is large in the margin and his comedy sensation, Puppetry of the Penis, is possibly the last great frontier in the fascinating world of male genitalia.

On the road, again
At a steakhouse in Van Horn, Texas, Patti Meister pauses to consider her past. Carefully and silently, she begins counting the nuptials, ticking them off on her fingers, one by one, as if she were a child practicing her addition. This is no easy task for a 58-year-old woman with an extraordinarily colorful past.



The moment resembles something out of a dark comedy, with the restaurant's Southwestern motif of pink and green pastels accentuating the punch line. Yet underneath the bizarre hilarity lies a feeling of desperation.

Comics: F-Minus
A comic strip by Tony Carrillo.

Comics: W.M.U.
A comic strip by Joseph Bowen.

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