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OPINIONS
Aging gamers welcome beads, boobs in lieu of classic Link
In the new Zelda release, Link is younger than ever and looks uncannily like a green bean. While kids of Generation Nintendo are going to bars and trying to get laid, Link is on a pure-hearted quest to save his sister.

Irresponsible schools ask students to 'chew the fat'
Over $800 million a year is spent buying up food for school lunches, most of it loaded with saturated fat. The farmers benefiting from the deal oppose reform of federal dietary guidelines for school meal programs.

Military can't deal with own members, much less Iraq
Military men were caught on videotape driving railroad spikes into their coworkers' chests. If you believe that they just want to free Iraqis from a tyrant, you might as well help O.J. Simpson look for "the real killers."

Editorial: Not the year for Rooney's sexism to get award
Andy Rooney will receive the Cronkite Award of Excellence. In a year when his biggest accomplishment was making an ass of himself in public while discrediting female reporters, he doesn't deserve to be honored.

Mall Rants: War in Iraq
Students rant about their war in Iraq.

WEB EXTRA
'ASU Web Devil' site registration to start April 1
Beginning April 1, 2003, the ASU Web Devil will require registration for viewing content beyond the home page. Registration is free and open to all.

Zen and the art of devising the perfect class schedule
Scheduling your classes for next semester can really be a pain in your posterior end. So get out those medicated pads, because that flaming feeling just returned Thursday as pre-registration opened for business once again.

Opinion: Shocking elements, victories for Pianist pleasing
If there was ever a night when the Oscars needed surprise, it was last night. OK, so Chicago won Best Picture like everyone said it would, but there were more than enough shocking victories to please this viewer.

Huge surprises, war comments at this year's Oscar ceremony
The 75th Annual Academy Awards ceremony, presented at L.A.'s Kodak Theatre last night, was full of surprises. The Best Picture award went to the flashy musical Chicago, but most of the other major awards were given to the Holocaust drama The Pianist.

Drag Racing Devils experience 'total rush' at Firebird Raceway
"Hard acceleration in an automobile is a total rush for anyone," said Tony Cadorin, president of ASU's Drag Racing Devils.



While most people would cringe at the thought of drag racing at speeds of up to 120 mph, Cadorin embraces the rush.

SPORTS
Devil Dish: NCAA gave OU unfair home court advantage
California and South Carolina State had no chance as yells of "BOOMER, SOONER" hummed throughout the arena and songs from the musical Oklahoma blared loudly over the sound system at halftime.

Men's swim and dive team heads to NCAA tourney
The ASU men's swimming team hopes it can copy what the women's squad achieved a week ago: a top-10 finish at the NCAA championships.

The women's 10th-place finish could factor into the men's performance.

Football: Suggs a Cardinal?
Most fans of Terrell Suggs thought they saw his last days wearing home colors in Sun Devil Stadium when he declared for the NFL Draft in January. But Suggs hopes the Cardinals draft him with the sixth pick.

Water Polo: Davis rescues Devils against UC Irvine
Lady Luck was on the side of the No. 20 ASU water polo team as it upset No. 15 UC Irvine 6-5 at the Mona Plummer Aquatic Center on Wednesday, scoring off a rebound with 12 seconds left in regulation.

W Tennis: Devils burn Wildcats in road makeup match
The Sun Devils were forced to take another road trip, but it was worth the wait for a win over their rival. After their first game was delayed by rain last month, the ASU women's tennis team finally had their rematch.

U.S. forces gather strength for assault on Baghdad
U.S. commanders summoned reinforcements Wednesday as an American invasion force gathered strength for an assault on Baghdad that could begin within days and must crush some of Saddam Hussein's most hardened troops.



At the same time, the vanguard of the U.S. force braced for heavy combat even before it reaches the capital.

Efforts to win over Iraqis, world hurt by civilian deaths
The apparent bombing of a civilian shopping area in Baghdad on Wednesday marks the first major public relations disaster for a U.S. military effort that has made avoiding civilian casualties one of its highest priorities.



Reports from Baghdad say 14 civilians died when two cruise missiles slammed into a residential area early Wednesday.

Group linked to al-Qaida shows tenacity against U.S.
The small war-within-a-war unfolding in this remote and almost impossibly beautiful corner of Iraq would give most Americans a chilling sense of deja vu.



Tight-lipped U.S. soldiers roll off to battle in convoys guarded by colorful local allies clad in checkered headscarves and baggy pantaloons. Snow-glittered peaks provide a backdrop as awesome as any in the Hindu Kush. And, most familiar of all, there is the enemy: A band of fanatical, suicide-bombing Islamic militants who revere Osama bin Laden.

CAMPUS NEWS
Police Beat: Woman burns boyfriend's clothes in stove
The incidents reported by ASU and Tempe police, including a man arrested on charges of criminal damages and disorderly conduct after allegedly hitting a man. He fell, allegedly hitting a car and causing a dent.

Stabber gets prison sentence
John Karl Munninger received a 12.5-year sentence Wednesday for stabbing an ASU student more than a year ago.



The charge stemmed from a Feb. 13, 2002, incident between Munninger, 23, and Kolsrud, 22, a philosophy and business management junior.

Scams blamed on travel brokers
The woman linked to an alleged spring break scam, which reportedly victimized ASU and UA students looking for hotels in Rocky Point, Mexico, claims she was swindled, too.



Gloria Willard, a local resident, and her estranged husband Robert Willard sold at least 16 spring break packages through two Web sites that claimed to "take the hassels [sic] out of booking Rocky Point."




Controversial Rooney of '60 Minutes' given Cronkite award
Andy Rooney, "60 Minutes" commentator, weekly columnist and author, will receive the ASU journalism school's prestigious award. The award is controversial a recent remark that women should not report NFL games.

ENTERTAINMENT
Jazz 101
While Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake tussle over the top of the pops, the battle to bolster support for the profound and culturally essential rages on, almost unobserved.



However, music enthusiasts who seek to find a little history, creativity and exultation can experience the rhapsodic sounds of jazz music through Jazz Week 2003 at the Katzin Concert Hall in the ASU Music Building from Sunday through April 3.

Local motion
Working for an AM radio station is like writing for a magazine that's published upside-down and backward in a newspaper: If you want to shed your obscurity, you're going to have to be pretty creative.



ASU's on-campus radio station The Blaze, KASC-AM 1260, has a history of creative endeavors such as on-campus band performances and on-air giveaways, and recently has been broadening its horizons even more by launching a weekly live local music show at the Lucky Dragon restaurant and nightclub in Tempe.

Rock the vote
Any time comedian Chris Rock steps on stage, it's no surprise when he begins spewing politically incorrect statements, racial slurs and obscenities. In fact, it's expected.



In his new movie, Head of State, Rock delivers yet another no-holds-barred performance, playing a Washington, D.C., neighborhood alderman who's on the verge of losing his job.

Setting Sail
In the beginning, The Hut rested on Third Street and Mill Avenue and was like many downtown Tempe scenes of its time. It was a cozy and humble locally-owned bar, where neighbors spent afternoons knocking back six-packs of Keystone with full confidence that the bartender knew their name and their drink.



However, in 1976, the city of Tempe initialed its first redevelopment scheme and consequently bought out much of a contingency of local bars' land along Mill Avenue, causing The Hut to relocate to a spot out of the path of progress.

'Toned down
Imagine being a local Tempe band, playing gigs around town when suddenly, after only 20 shows, you are discovered by an RCA executive and signed to a label subsidiary. You're thrown on tour, playing packed shows in New York City and getting airplay on radio stations nationwide.



But today, you're "rocking out" at Chicago Fest in downtown Scottsdale to a crowd that barely fills a fourth of the blue folding chairs set up in front of the dingy stage. What went wrong? For Gloritone, this scenario isn't some cruel nightmare. It's reality.

Making its Marq
When the owners of Tempe's Red River Music Hall decided to sell, the choice seemed like a smart one. The concert hall is located at the north end of Mill Avenue, a prime scene for local youth to spend an evening with the sounds that rock their young minds. But country and jazz, the genres most frequently heard at the venue, generally relate to a more mature audience.



That, however, is the past. Nobody In Particular Presents, a Denver-based promotions company, bought Red River and has renamed it the Marquee Theatre. NIPP also owns locations in three other states, which facilitates the process of trying to find venues willing and able to carry bands the company wants to promote.

Murphy's Law:Sail Inn takes me away
Hello all - no, Joe has not become a blond woman over spring break. I am the woman behind the man in this publication, the assistant as it were. And I am invading Cup o' Joe this week. Why? Well, in case you haven't noticed, our cover story this week involves Tempe's beloved hippie hangout - Sail Inn. I love this place.

Almost hardcore
The earth is angry. Something has violated her inner core and she is having a bitchfest. Birds fall out of the sky and cause traffic accidents, there are horrific lightning storms, and people with pacemakers are dropping dead all over the place.



So, NASA designs a phallic-shaped vessel to penetrate the earth's surface deeper and deeper into the red-hot magma. When the vessel's crew finally reach the center, they are sweaty and exhausted. But they are still able to fire four nuclear bombs into the liquid metal core. The Earth reacts with a shudder of seismic activity across her entire surface. Her anger dissipates and she is satisfied at last.

Comics: W.M.U.
A comic strip by Joseph Bowen.

Comics: F-Minus
A comic strip by Tony Carrillo.

Reality TV Roundup: 'Idol' gets patriotic, trivializes Iraqi war
A look back at this week's episodes of "American Idol 2" and "Survivor." This week, "Idol" trivialized the Iraqi war by having the 10 finalists sing one of the silliest songs ever, "What the World Needs Now is Love" by Burt Bachrach.

Comics: Rockinfunzone
A comic strip by Nathan Ross.

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