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OPINIONS
Jacko, Dubya linked by voodoo
Like so many of my other great ideas, it seems as if Michael Jackson beat me to it. That is, Jacko beat me to using a "bloodbath" voodoo ceremony performed by a witch doctor to curse his least favorite people.

Media slams minorties' bad and ugly, neglects the good
During a multicultural media panel discussion, the main theme was that all media is a business, and businesses must do what the market dictates. But people can forget the effect news coverage has on real-life issues.

Give the less sexy imbeciles a chance for dating shows
Since I carry so much spite toward the producers of dating shows, I have decided to expose the secrets behind the scenes of these them. They'll curse the day they ever met "The Fan Man" (my self-given nickname).

Editorial: Still waiting for Salmon to call back
Salmon never once spoke on campus during his campaign. Hey, it's in the past. We're willing to let it go. But now, after blatantly blowing us off after 10 messages were left at his office, you'd think he'd get back to us.

SPECIAL REPORTS
Spring Break Special: Great places to go in Arizona
The State Press editorial board searched far and wide in the great state of Arizona for interesting locations to visit for spring break, whether you are low on cash or have slacked off with your vacation plans.

Spring Break Fantasies: The tree that took a girl's virginity
My ultimate fantasy for a spring break probably wouldn't be exactly what you would expect from a wild party animal like myself. If I had $500 and a vehicle, I would go over to Tip Top nursery and buy myself a tree.

Risky behavior not policed in ASU football recruiting
College recruiting groups such as ASU's Sun Devil Recruiters are being condemned by critics and college football administrators who say the groups are sexist, potentially dangerous and almost certain to bring embarrassment to the universities that sponsor them.

WEB EXTRA
Snotty noses run gauntlet of campus napkins
Campus napkins, or "nasal treasures" for non-hankie-handlers like me, fluctuate so greatly in quality that the difference between napkins from one dining facility to another could mean a raw, clown-nose in just a few wipes.



To help you better choose where to grab substitute Kleenex on campus this season, I've included the following review of ASU dining napkins.

Honors college students serve South Phoenix community
South Ranch II resides in the middle of run-down houses and crime in South Phoenix much like a mirage in a desert, only it's not imaginary. It has something no other housing community in Arizona does: the Stardust House.



One of the center's affiliates is ASU's Barrett Honors College, whose students volunteer there twice a week to teach and mentor the community's children.




Reality TV Roundup: 'Survivor' loses oomph with drugs, Probst
This week begins the premiere of the new FOX reality show "Married By America," where five single men and women are letting America voters pick a fiancé for them.

SPORTS
Hoops: Evans, Devils set course for tourney
Head coach Rob Evans took the University of Mississippi to the NCAA Tournament two years in a row before coming to ASU and said he thinks this year's Sun Devil team is worthy of a berth in the big dance.

Devil Dish: ASU wrestler screwed out of title by replay
Throughout the season there were no cameras, but all of a sudden there's instant replay in the wrestling championships. The NCAA must be kidding when it says it cannot implement instant replay in football, too.

Baseball: Averill, Devils hope to extend record start
The No. 4 Sun Devil baseball team has a lot of young faces this year, and left-hander Erik Averill is one of the freshmen making a big impact. Friday, he was solid out of the bullpen in a 13-0 victory over Penn State.

W Hoops: Loney, Turner Thorne relish resemblances
At first glance, it would appear ASU coach Charli Turner Thorne and sophomore point guard Kylan Loney have similarities. If you pay closer attention they might pass for sisters.

CAMPUS NEWS
Police Beat: Man tries to start Fat Tuesday bar fight
The incidents reported by ASU and Tempe police, including a man arrested on the charge of disorderly conduct Tuesday at Fat Tuesday. He allegedly challenged a bar patron to a fight and called him a racial slur.

Volunteers sought to help clean Tempe Town Lake
Volunteers will be asked to help keep Tempe Town Lake and its surroundings looking new beginning next month. They will skim the lake, pick up trash along trails or clean signs for the Adopt-The-Lake program.

Peace protest raises tensions
Emotions ran high on campus Wednesday between anti-war protesters and an opposing group during a nationwide student strike on a possible war in Iraq. The opposition argued with protesters and waved signs.

Holocaust museum condemns PETA's use of pictures
The United States Holocaust Memorial Museum is considering legal action after the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals refused to stop using concentration camp images in its "Holocaust on Your Plate" exhibit.

Presidential race leads to run-off
With the student government election results revealed Wednesday night too close to determine a winner, the two leading undergraduate presidential candidates, Brandon Goad and Andrew McKenna, will now prepare for a runoff election April 1-2.




ENTERTAINMENT
Profile & Conquer
When movies first appeared, they were portrayed as the root of all delinquency in children and promiscuity in women. Rock music of the '60s was the work of the devil. When the tragedy at Columbine occurred, Marilyn Manson was the first to be called out.



Now, with war looming on America's horizon, random acts of violence in video games are being replaced by vengeful acts toward terrorists found in desert terrain.

Dancing against the grain
Twelve years - including two of professional tours with his own dance company - later, Brad Garner, 31, has returned to the ASU stages in pursuit of his master of fine arts degree.



Garner will present his thesis project, "Crash," this weekend at the Herberger College's "New Danceworks II" modern dance concert. The concert also includes "Plenty: Surviving Fear and Depression," choreographed by graduate student Kimberly Karpanty.

Asian persuasion
Margaret Cho doesn't take any shit. So she says anyway, and we are inclined to believe her.



Having just completed her brazenly wanton "Notorious C.H.O." comedy tour and movie, Cho is about to embark on her new "Revolution Tour," a more politically-themed nationwide excursion, that parallels Cho in ads for the tour to Che Guevara, and promises to be just as shocking as previous tours. She brings her lambada-dance of language to the Dodge Theatre on Friday.

Rousing grief: 'Till Human Voices Wake Us' review
Though Till Human Voices Wake Us contains fantasy and supernatural elements that are never explained, it is neither a horror movie nor a thriller in the conventional sense. Here, the supernatural story is a gentle parable about how Sam learns to unburden himself from his paralyzing grief. The end resolves matters not in a realistic way but in an emotional way. Some viewers may have a hard time with this, but I loved it; Sam's final revelations filled me with the joy of being alive.

A cry for war: 'Tears of the Sun' review
The new action picture Tears of the Sun, by director Antoine Fuqua [Training Day], believes in two great American institutions: democracy and cleavage.



The movie pretends to be a serious film by portraying the grim effects on the civilian populace of an African civil war. But the movie undermines its serious intentions with its many Hollywood conventions, including cliché dialogue and situations, high-tech action sequences and numerous, comical cleavage shots of a beautiful young American missionary/doctor.

Red scare
Fresh off a world tour, the 30-year-old DJ Vadim will be gracing the Valley with his innovative European version of hip-hop at Modified Arts on Wednesday. Vadim, who has been deejaying for more than a decade, has experimented with funk and jungle music throughout Europe and has an unorthodox musical fashion that blends hip-hop with a unique brand of electronic jazz. He recently finished his seventh LP - USSR: The Art of Listening - which features Gift of Gab, of underground hip-hop icons Blackalicious.

Treading lightly
Recently, Charlie Levy and Jim Adkins were having dinner at Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe and, as if driven by some divine force, they began talking about record labels. As the conversation escalated, they realized that they were at the threshold of a really great concept.



As it turns out Levy, a long-time Phoenix concert promoter, and Adkins, the lead singer of the local super group Jimmy Eat World, had shared many of the same thoughts about beginning a record label in Phoenix. They both wanted to start off slow and cultivate the label over time and they both had similar bands in mind.

Under-exposed
Becky Brems' mind is like a strobe light, and only a camera can capture the fleeting images of its dance floor.



At least, that's what the ASU photography senior's message seems to be as she chats about tomorrow evening's "First Friday" show at Phoenix's local artist refuge, Gallery 1023.

Ice Cube's 'The Albums That Shook a Nation'
Seedy ReviewsLike many who put stock in the right-wing diatribe of the early-1990s, I once believed the Los Angeles riots following the Rodney King verdict were the result of profiteering gangbangers-turned-entertainers who set out to turn their so-called art into a contrived reality.



Then, I listened to Ice Cube, and his chronicles of South Central via AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted, Death Certificate, The Predator and Lethal Injection.

Great Big Sea's 'Sea of No Cares'
Seedy ReviewsIf Great Big Sea is the next big wave in feel-good music, I think I'd rather drown.



Sea of No Cares is an accumulation of toe-tappin', sing-along songs for predictable romantic-comedy soundtracks and Irish-style ditties.

The Kings of Leon's 'High Roller Novocaine'
Seedy ReviewsIn the rare instance when I actually receive some high-quality rock'n'roll sent to the magazine, it's a cause for celebration that no amount of critical analysis can describe.



Holy Roller Novocaine from The Kings of Leon was the cause for such a celebration. When I heard it, I flipped out. I felt like starting a parade or something. These guys are everything that The Strokes, The Hives, The Vines, or any other band with "The" in its title have ever dreamed of sounding like.

The Ataris rock Hayden Lawn
Rock lovers, punk skaters and class ditchers were among the hundreds huddled on Hayden Lawn Wednesday to watch The Ataris perform a free show.



Steve Wiley, co-owner of Hoodlums, sponsored the show and estimated between 800 and 1,000 people watched the performance.




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