Serving Arizona State University Online Since 1995  Current Issue: Monday, December 09, 2002





Prepare to pay the price for swearing in Chicago
I'm a fan of swearing, and I only refrain from letting the profanities loose now to show a little savior faire, but the noble legislators in Chicago have decided to elevate the penalty for public profanity from a simple citation to a fine of up to $300.

Letters to the Editor
State Press readers respond to columns published last week regarding high-priced parking decals, freedom of speech and fascism.

The Cardinals win and Bush reigns in future
I, Mark Broeske, have returned from a strange, though not too distant future to write a column for you poor unfortunate souls who will spend the next week living off a combination of No-Doz and prayer.

Freshmen deaths will always be remembered
A look back at the deaths of two ASU freshmen: Jessica Woodin and Andrew Tucker. We cannot forget how these two bright-eyed students died, nor can their families stop grieving for what they lost.

Mall Rants: Holiday Shopping
ASU locals rant about holiday shopping.

Football: Sun Devils to face Kansas State Wildcats
n Sunday, it was announced that the Sun Devils would face Kansas State, the No. 6 team in the nation, in the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl. The annual event takes place at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego on Dec. 27.

Hoops: Utah stops ASU in second meeting of season
It had been only 11 days since the ASU men's basketball team beat Utah, but the Utes came into Saturday night's rematch showing they had something to prove, thumping the Sun Devils 78-55 in Salt Lake City.

Tourney run ends for successful volleyball team
The ASU volleyball team was defeated 3-0 Saturday by Nebraska in the second round of the NCAA tournament, thus ending head coach Patti Snyder-Park's 14-year run at the helm of the program.

W Hoops: Notre Dame routs young Sun Devils
On Saturday, the Sun Devils suffered their first loss of the season, an 81-52 drubbing at the hands of No. 9 Notre Dame. However, the game was a chance for a team that sports six freshmen to gain valuable experience.

Senior wrestler dominates at Las Vegas invite
This past weekend senior Eric Larkin did something that nobody outside of the ASU wrestling family thought he could do. Heading into the annual "Sin City" tournament, Larkin carried a perfect 8-0 record into his opening matches Friday, in which he won all three.

Fall Athletics All-State-Press Team
The sports staff hands out their awards for best fall atheletes.

Holiday Bowl info
The Sun Devil football team will play in the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl in San Diego on Friday, Dec. 27. The game will feature the Sun Devils (8-5) facing off against the Big 12 Conference Kansas State Wildcats (10-2).

Irresponsible drinking rises
In a survey conducted by the American College Health Association in the spring 2002, 68 percent of 1,149 ASU students said they used a designated driver when at a party or going out to bars.

Avoid holiday scams, says FTC
Although many students look forward to the holiday season, they need to be aware of the financial risks that come at this time of the year, warned the Federal Trade Commission.

According to the FTC, there are a lot of things to consider when shopping during the holidays. For example, a sale doesn't always save money.

Students state differences to promote diversity
"I'm Black, educated and female. I AM ME," read one sign of nearly 50 carried by students down Palm Walk on Friday to celebrate ASU's diversity.

Polanski's Pianist attracts international attention
The Pianist, a true story based on the accounts of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Jewish pianist and composer who escaped Poland's Warsaw Ghetto in World War II, has been getting accolades from international press.

Make it a double
The new movie Adaptation comes from the convoluted minds of director Spike Jonze and writer Charlie Kaufman, the same team that gave the world the wonderfully eccentric Being John Malkovich.

Flute loops
Like many music performance majors, flautist senior Amy Tatum is concerned about finding a job after graduation. She's been playing the flute more than a decade, learning new styles and techniques and experiencing new styles of music, including some of the pieces that she will perform with the New Music Ensemble tonight at Katzin Recital Hall.

Life After Death
Nikki Levato never thought she'd find herself rooting for a car accident on Christmas Day. But in December 1996, as her father lay dying in a hospital bed, someone else's tragedy was her only glimmer of hope.

The fabulously gay duo
Herberger College's student production group will end the fall season with a bang this year, spreading gay and lesbian holiday cheer across the campus with their production of Paul Rudnik's The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told.

The brains behind hip-hop
Inspiration has no origin. This is true for any art form, including hip-hop. For GZA, the New York City rapper, the inspiration for his first album, Liquid Swords, came from a Shogun movie of the same title. The album had songs about lyrical swordplay, and a child from the Shogun movie introduced the tracks.

Spreading the Logik
A colorful array of fireworks burst into the night sky, causing car alarms to blare loudly in the parking lot of the Bash on Ash Saturday. It's mayhem. It's madness. And it's all due to holiday festivities taking place in downtown Tempe.

The Raw Deahl: A festive farewell
My reign as magazine editor ends with this issue, and I know my fan base will be heartbroken. But please, Mom, get a hold of yourself. It had to end sometime. So rather than gush about my time here, I'd like to give my writers a chance to ramble.

On the cover of her last album, Strange Little Girls, Tori Amos is portrayed differently in four different squares. She's an elegant chanteuse in one square, a sheik fashion maven in another, demure peacenik in a third, and an edgy provocateur in the last.

Towering talent
If you're harboring any fears that The Two Towers, the second film in director Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy, will not equal the visionary grandeur of the first film, you may now officially sigh with relief.

Crashing Christmas
Jeff Falk, not to be confused with the other four-letter word that starts with F, is the co-founder and perennial emcee of the 17th annual Bad X-Mas Pageant, an evening dedicated to making a mockery out of Christmas and other winter traditions.

SDTV program guide
SDTV-Channel 2 program guide

Search this year's State Press and Web Devil stories
Search State Press, State Press Magazine, and Web Devil stories from Fall 2001 and all of 2002.

Search the State Press and Web Devil archives
Search the State Press, State Press Magazine, and Web Devil archives through 1995.

ASS-trological Forecast
Will you be lucky in love or will you find out the answer to the age-old question--"How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" Find out in The Stale Mess' ASS-trological Forecast.

Crow seeks world domination
During Saturday's final Arizona Board of Regents conference, ASU President Michael Crow revealed just what the "direction" is in his Changing Directions plan.

ASU voted No. 1 in nation for best hoes
Riding on the gravy train that is ASU top rankings, the Ladies Home and Garden Journal rated ASU the top school in the nation this week for having the most and best hoes.

Frat bro slept through porn
It's been a little more than a year since a stretch Hummer limousine occupied by porn stars visited ASU fraternities, but one fraternity member is still holding out hope for their return.

Police Beat Off
Ugly people, Michael Crow, Green Giant, Satan, and Saddam are making trouble for local authorities.

Congressional 'shrinkage' discovered
As previously suspected, new research reports that Vice President Dick Cheney retracts two to three inches in the cold.

Janet vs. Janet: Dueling she-males strike back
In a landmark trial, former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno is suing Arizona Gov.-elect Janet Napolitano for identity theft.

Saddam really a sweet guy once you get to know him
A former ex-girlfriend of Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein has come forth to stand up for his dilapidated image among Americans. "He's really gotten a bad rap," said Imas Lave, better known as "No. 54" in Hussein's famed 1997 harem.

Damn those Eskimos
It has come to the attention of The Stale Mess editorial board that the Inuit, also known as Eskimos, have somehow escaped our critical eye.

Ask two tiger-loving German gay men
Writers get advice from America's two tiger-loving favorite gay men.

Imported beers are above keg-stands
Ah yes, that's a good pour you've got there gent. Give me a good, proper prime for just a few moments, and before you know it a refreshing tipple will have filled your glass and your stomach.

Point: What the hell is you looking at?
No, I did not just see you staring at my breasts! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about, Mr. Pervert. I did not come into this crowded bar full of drunk men 30 minutes before last call wearing this little clothing to be stared at. Hey! I'm talking to you.

Counterpoint: What are you looking at?
I know what you're looking at you insensitive monster. Hey everybody, gather over here and get a good long look at the freak in the cage. Look, I did not get beaten and dragged into this cage by a group of Mongolian carnies just to be stared at by you imbeciles.

Counter Counterpoint: Please don't eat me!
I've always been a good cow. When you want milk, I subject myself to your udder gropings and let you have your way. No, you won't hear one peep of a complaint out of good old Bessie the Cow.

So that's what happened to Nelson
Most famous for their early 90s hit, "(I Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection," the Nelson twins who cleverly referred to themselves as "Nelson," seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Earth for the last decade.

That's where stuffing comes from
So, you want to know where stuffing comes from? Well, Baby Stuffing, it's only natural to be curious and I think you're old enough to finally hear this. Since your father was eaten on Thanksgiving, I suppose I'll have to tell you.

Players, fans pumped with roids
Struggling through yet another winless season, the Arizona Cardinals turned to drastic measures on Sunday by saying, "Screw the NFL and its steroid policy."

Cock-fighting hits big time
International Olympic Committee chairman Jaques Rogge announced Monday that cockfighting, deemed illegal in many countries the world over, will become an officially-sanctioned Olympic sport at the 2004 summer games in Athens, Greece.

Drunk students invent 'best game ever''
After a night of drinking on Saturday, four intoxicated students invented what they claim to be "the sweetest game ever." So sweet, they claim, that they call it "sweetball."

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